• drbickham

Happy Father's Day...Mom?



Last weekend was looking to be a pretty good Father’s Day for me. I went out to breakfast with my wife and children, got a sweet potato pie from the always delicious Mommie Helen’s in San Bernardino, and was showered with love and appreciation from my three youngest children. Everything was going well and it was shaping up to be a pretty great day.


During a quiet moment, I glanced over at my social media feed. As expected, I saw several “Happy Father’s Day” posts and pictures of what was done for the various fathers in my network.


However, I also saw something I did not expect.


I noticed that a woman had put up a post sending out a Happy Father’s Day to all the single ladies.


I shook my head when I saw the post. It reeked of bitterness and anger. I ignored it and continued scrolling.


A few seconds later, I saw a similar post. This newest post was far more overt than the previous message, referencing all the “deadbeat dads” and essentially giving the middle finger to Father’s Day. And there were likes!


I continued scrolling and in minutes saw more posts doing the same, either wishing mothers a Happy Father’s Day for being both the “mother and father” to their children or angry women posting about their issues with the father of their children and their refusal to wish anything good to him.


It got so bad that a lady on my feed actually put up a post about it:


“Being a single mother does not make you the father whether a man did his job or not. I AM NOT THE FATHER. Stop!”


The next day, I decided to put up my own post:


“I saw so much negativity from single mothers on Father's Day that it made me sick to the stomach. So many of these women seem to not realize that only by getting over the memory of their "baby's daddy" will they ever be able to provide a real father for their children. And they conveniently forget that the father of their child is the man that they chose. If your child has a deadbeat dad perhaps you should learn to make better decisions.”


There were a few who took offense to my post and elected to post angry comments. I made an attempt to explain that the post was intended for the women who had made negative comments in regards to Father’s Day (none of which responded to my post). It didn’t help.


Apparently, there are women don’t want to be told to take responsibility for their actions and become offended when you imply that some of them should learn to make better decisions. It appears that I have in some way shown insensitivity to the fact that the man they chose to have a child with turned out to be a “deadbeat”.


Instead, I am expected to coddle their victim mentality and put all the blame on a man whose "game" was so hypnotic that it caused these innocent women to forget all common sense and have a child with him.


Nope. Not going to happen.


Am I saying that the fact that a woman is a single mother is entirely her fault? Of course not. But what I am saying is that we are all responsible for the choices we make in life and if you make a bad decision it is best to take ownership of that choice and make better ones in the future.


If a woman chooses to have a child with someone who doesn’t have his financial life in order, it is her decision.


If a woman decides to have a child with a man who doesn’t want to commit to her, it is also her decision.


If a woman passes by all manner of stable men and chooses to have a child with someone who is just out to party and have a good time, again, it is her decision.


For whatever reason, a woman chooses who she chooses. No one forces her. But to spend years of her life being bitter and never taking responsibility for the choice she made is both immature and petty.


If the father of your child is a “deadbeat dad” my recommendation to you is to get over it. Harsh? Maybe. But even worse is depriving a child of having a father figure in their life, which a woman will never be able to get if she's walking around harboring bitterness and resentment toward someone who, frankly, doesn't give a damn.


In other words, get over the memory of your “baby’s daddy” so that you can provide a real father for your child.


After all, isn’t a child’s need for a father figure more important than a mother’s need to be angry?


What do you think? Whether you agree or disagree, feel free to post your comments below.

© 2019 D. R. Bickham